put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
