So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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