Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
