Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
