My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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