just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
