Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
