I want to have your abortion
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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