That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You are a genius and a whore.
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