In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
