just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
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I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
