the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
