he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
