Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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