Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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