i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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