You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
pray to the hookup gods
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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