Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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