you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
