Don't make out with my wife yet
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Sober January is a disaster.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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