I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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