It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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