sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
