I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
