Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
