why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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