woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
