I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
