i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
