While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Drake has all the answers
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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