I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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