You work out of a Hotel?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
