im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
