South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
