its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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