in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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