She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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