there was a trapeze. enough said
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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