I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
