meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize