so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
