It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
