I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
