All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
