The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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