so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
