I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is Oprah even human
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
