there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
