That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
God, I missed his penis.
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