I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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