Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
