I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
