I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
