She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
