once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
