Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize