Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
