Plan B is the new Plan A
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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