just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
