i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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