there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
