youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
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why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge