woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.