dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
