there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
