he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar