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• (770): View more from Georgia

  The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen

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• (209): View more from California

  i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.

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• (323): View more from California

  may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.

  (818): View more from California

  First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.

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  29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep

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• (408): View more from California

  Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.

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• (714): View more from California

  You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying

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  21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex

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• (512): View more from Texas

  She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.

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