This is not my ceiling
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
