I think I won the penis lottery.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
