Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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