I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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