She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
