it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
