New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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