he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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