i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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