I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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