just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
